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Funny Adult SMS and Messages |
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| I was told that your sex life has improved drastically this year…
everybody is fucking you around.
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| Why does the dog licks his ass?.....because he knows he will be licking his owner’s face shortly.
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| What do you get when you cross a female deer with a pickle?
A dildoe
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| Woman buys 2 drinks at bar and pours them both down her panty. Barman asks her why is she doing that when she replied: ”I have just won the lottery and this is the only cunt I am sharing it with!“
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| What do u call an AMISH guy with his hand up a horse’s ass?
An Mechanic.
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| What do you get when you cross a Rooster with peanut butter?
A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| I have just now seen two deaf lesbians walking down the street with their hands in each others knickers… do you think they are lip reading |
| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| Grandad en Granny went to the doctor because Granny is suffering from depression. Doctor enquired from Granny when last she had sex when she said it was so long ago she cannot actually remember. Doctor told Grandad that Granny needs to have sex 3 times a week when he replied:“ I can bring her Mondays and Wednesdays, but Fridays will be a problem as I then plays bowls.“ |
| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| After hot sex , girl longingly touched the guy’s penis. He smirked and asked, ”You wanna more and do it again“ when she replied: ”No, just admiring it, I used to have one like yours.“ |
| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| The Taxman made a case against a Jewish prostitute who claimed expenses and stated on her tax return her occupation to be a POULTRY farmer. ”But Sir,“ she pleaded in court, ”I have raised 200 cocks during last year!“
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| Sexy blonde girl is learning to play golf when a bee stings her. She is rather upset and walked back to the clubhouse when she passed her coach who asked her what is wrong. She replied: ” a bee has stung me“ ”Oh, where“ he asked, She replied: ” between the first and the second hole“….coach: ”Ah, that means you stood with your legs too far apart |
| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| After a long church service the one old lady said to the other: ”Goodness me what a long service, my bum is fast asleep“ when the friend replied:“ Yes I have noticed, because I hear them snoring a couple of times!“
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
Their both empty from the neck up
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| One winter’s morning Miss Molly is in her garden with her tracksuit pants under her dress because of the cold weather. She noticed the minister’s car stopping at her front gate and rushed into her house telling her 3 year old son to tell the minister that she has just gone to her room to take the tracksuit pants of. She heard the minister knocking at the front door, pulled a comb thru her hair, put lipstick on and went thru to the lounge not to find the minister anywhere. She asked her son where is the minister when he replied: ”I told him when you saw him you went to your bedroom to take your pants off, and he then said he is just going to the car to put his bible away.“ |
| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| A gentleman tries to catch the attention of a lady in front of him by pssst, pssst, all the time. She eventually turned round and said to him: ”Hey you, does your bluddy face have a puncture?“
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| SAM and JIM were sitting on a bus when a lady gets on the bus with a face made up to kill – blood red lips, several layers of base and such massive eyelashes that she can barely keep her eyes open. There is no vacant seat, so she stood hanging onto the leather strap. ”Hi Jim“, shouted SAM, ”why don’t you offer the lady your seat?“ when Jim replied; ”But why, a painting is made to hang!“
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| Wife is heavily pregnant and in hospital to give birth. An anxious husband is watching cricket whilst awaiting news from the hospital. Eventually he could not wait any longer and called the hospital to find out about his wife, but…..he accidentally dialed the cricket stadium. When the phone was answered he asked: ”How are things“ and was told: “fine, 3 were out by tea break, in total 7 were out by lunch time, the last one out was a duck!“ The husband fainted.
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| In South Africa the body responsible for the country’s electricity supply is called ESCOM and there is continuously and frequently a break of power supply.
The DEVIL comes to the country and meets up with SAM and asked him: ”Do you know who I am?“ Sam replied: ”No, you are not from this place but, give me a hint!“ The devil responded: ”I am the prince of darkness…| Sam: “Oh, so you must be the big shot from ESCOM!“
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| Everything pains and what is not paining you know is not working.
The glimpse in your eye is actually a sunray from your glasses,
U feel like the morning after although you have been nowhere,
Your only appointment in your diary starts with Dr.
You get short of breath from plying poker and
your children is starting to look middle aged to you,
when you need a pair of specticles to look for your other pair
your nose is all that runs, your legs cannot any more!
Your back goes more out than you actually go yourself
when you bit into a steak your teeth stays behind,
GETTING OLD IS NOT FOR WHIMPS!
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| A husband forgot his wedding anniversary. His angry wife demanded: ”Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway that goes from 0 to 100 in under 4 seconds!“
Next morning wife found a parcel in the driveway containing a new bathroom scale…His funeral will be held on Friday!!
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
| What is the resemblance between men and clouds?
Eventually they fuck-off and then it is a lovely day….!“
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| Posted on : [30/05/2007] |
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Posted by : Niaz ur Rahman
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Mobile # :03013013280
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| ---------------------End
of SMS-------------------- |
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